its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
