I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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