he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
