Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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