took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What a dumb baby whore.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize