Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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