It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
