just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
