dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
