you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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