Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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