My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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