he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
