I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
