Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
