is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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