even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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