My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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