you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
