Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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