just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
dude. I can hear the air.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
