Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
