"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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