are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Say something about gay babies.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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