you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
