Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he just fucked me for my cheese..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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