Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
