I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
