i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
