I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I forgot how hot balto sounded
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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