At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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