just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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