dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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