Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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