They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
