The maid of honor just puked.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
