This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
