In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
