if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
