I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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