He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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