My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
