i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
