So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
