your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
