Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
