Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
