Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize