I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
