Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
