Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
