I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
