Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
