please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
