No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
