you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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