im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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