We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
