promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
