she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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