Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
