I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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