I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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